The guard reacted the instant the man’s foot hit the ground—he pulled his gun off his shoulder and started charging with his bayonet! The man nearly wet himself and ran off into the distance. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had jumped into the Thames! As soon as the man was gone, the guard shouldered his gun and was back to normal.

Of course, all of this gave us even more reason to laugh. What an idiot! Unfortunately for us, we were the only ones at the scene when one of the tower Beefeaters arrived. The Beefeaters are essentially just tour guides and various forms of security around the place, and are the guys dressed in navy outfits and hats. I personally prefer their more traditional red and yellow outfits, but I don’t think this Beefeater would have appreciated me telling him that at this point in time.

He was not a happy man. As he walked quickly towards us, he began yelling. "The Tower Guards are here for security purposes, not entertainment! This is a very serious matter!" he yelled at us.

"I’m sorry, but we didn’t do anything. The man that tried to stand next to the guard ran away." I said.

"I’ve seen you standing here all day harassing this guard," he said, and wouldn’t hear any more of any of our arguments. Before we knew it, a few more Beefeaters had arrived and we were being escorted out of the Tower. Needless to say, our coach was not very happy with us, especially since we were all wearing our "John Newcombe Tennis Ranch" jackets. All I seemed to do the entire day was stand back and laugh, and I got thrown out of the Tower for it! But, I think it was all worth it to see the Tower guard laugh for the first, and very likely only, time in my life.

After causing enough trouble in the Jewels, we wandered around the outside of the Tower’s keep. We poked our heads in a few doors, but no one was very motivated to go inside and look at much. Soon, we found ourselves back in front of the Crown Jewels guard, who was busying himself staring into space and playing with his gun every once in awhile. Shane stood in front of him, imitating the guard, and we soon turned to trying to make Shane laugh instead, since it was slightly easier. Then, Chuy, the guy who had been taking pictures in the Jewels, had a question for the guard (it’s a bit vulgar, so if you don’t want to read it, skip the rest of this paragraph). He walked up to the guard and asked, "So, if a hot girl walks by, and you get a boner, does that count as moving?"

The guard actually laughed! He definitely stopped himself immediately, but he laughed and cracked a smile as he was trying to stop himself. We were all totally amazed—I had talked to plenty of guards, and even had my brother as a baby poke one, and never had they budged or done anything but look into the distance. We all couldn’t stop laughing because of it, although we were sad that Shane had turned off his video camera 5 minutes previously!

As we were standing around the guard laughing, a man walked up to us. He said, unfortunately in an American accent (showing the world just how intelligent Americans could be), "I don’t think that there guard is real. He has to be a statue from Madame Tussaud’s!"

"But, how does he move?" one of us asked him.

"Of course, he’s got batteries in him! Now, who wants a picture with the nice guard?" he asked.

"We have pictures already, thanks."

"No, I mean a picture with your arm around the guard!" he said as he started putting one leg over the 3-foot tall metal bar separating us from the guard.

This entry is continued in The Tower of London: Getting Thrown Out.

Nothing in London is cheap, but a basic ticket into the Tower was only about £11 (this was 2002, meaning the prices have probably gone up). Of course, the first attraction as we walked in was the guard standing outside the Crown Jewels. Nobody else had seen these up close so we all took turns taking pictures and trying to make him laugh. Of course, no one was very successful in this, so we moved on to the Crown Jewels.

The Jewels are definitely an interesting part of the Tower. They can either leave you in awe or make you sick at how much money the British royal family has spent on massive diamonds to put in a crown that is worn once every fifty years. You can’t describe them as anything but spectacular, though, and they are worth seeing. A certain number of people are let in at intervals here, and then you pretty much spent the entire time on walkalators that scoot you past all the Jewels without you having a chance of hatching a plan on how to steal them. As I’ve said, they are spectacular, but after a while they tend to run together.

This seemed to happen much sooner for the boys in our group, who decided it was time to take pictures in a decidedly non-picture area. One of them, Shane, managed to get some decent video footage from his video camera underneath his arm before being called out by one of the many security people standing just behind the walkalators. Another one decided he wanted actual pictures, and managed to get a good half-dozen before turning his camera off. Unfortunately, he saw another crown he liked the look of and turned his camera back on and stuck it in front of his chest like he had been doing before. Unfortunately, when he pressed the button, a huge flash lit up the room (apparently, you have to turn off flash every time the camera turns on) and he was immediately singled out and yelled at.

This entry is continued in The Tower of London: The Guard Laughs.