Save your money and go back across San Marco Square to the McDonald's--at least the food will be good enough and the service better.

Florian Cafe: Picture an old building where tourists flock to throw away their money on bad coffee. Now add rude waiters. Make sure those waiters are stupid and add a dash of arrogance. Set your tea or bad coffee on an old, wobbly table. Gaze at bad murals on the walls with peeling paint. Toss in some worn-out red cushion benches and you have the Florian Cafe!!!

Favorite Dish: Well, I only had one, and I had to order it three times while putting up with a waiter who was in dire need of a boot-to-butt connection, so I cannot compare it to others on the menu. I can say I'd rather have gone to McD's instead.

Directions: Look for the dead pigeons floating in the high water of San Marco Square and follow the Public Walkways to the right. When you get to the odor of unwashed, unshaven waiters by the glass doors, keep walking until you find someplace else.

Caffe Florian is part of an exclusive club of places that have long ago ceased to be a simple coffeehouse, becoming instead an internationally renowned institution that is both overpriced and overcrowded with tourists. However, just like the central character in The Aspern Papers by Henry James, and also most contemporary visitors to Venice, I could not ignore the allure of the famous spot that is located within the New Procuratie on Piazza San Marco.

The café opened almost 300 years ago, and has subsequently attracted all kinds of people from local merchants to famously cultured visiting patrons, for example Byron, Rousseau and Stravinsky. Meanwhile, the legendary Casanova was also a regular customer, mainly because at that particular time it was the only such establishment to admit women!

In terms of aesthetics, if not atmosphere, imagining some of the aforementioned past customers on the premises is quite easy because the décor has not changed much since an extensive refurbishment during the 1850s. The interior comprises numerous little rooms, each with a different visual theme, probably the most spectacular of which is that of Illustrious Men, featuring portraits of eminent local citizens, such as Marco Polo and Titian. Common characteristics throughout include ornate lighting, decadent banquettes and marble tables that are almost too small for the silver trays upon which the orders arrive, brought by the seemingly permanently busy waiters. However, my preference is for sitting outside under the arcade, enjoying the views of the usually bustling and always beautiful square, which no amount of decorative elaboration can compete with.

The establishment's undoubted downside is the rather outrageous amounts charged. For instance, any of the numerous types of coffee that are available will cost many more euros there than in a humbler equivalent elsewhere in the city. Anyone not perturbed by such expenses can also enjoy good light lunches, including smoked salmon, carpaccio, or a club sandwich, as well as lush cocktails and fine wine.

Finally, during the summer months musicians often play a mixture of well-known classical and popular pieces on the terrace. The generally extravagant performances, for which an extra fee is charged, are certainly good, but the group that performs almost directly opposite in the rival Caffe Quadri usually entertains me more.

Average Rating – 7

This cafe was full of tourists, there’s no doubt. The walls are covered with paintings that are covered by glass or plastic. At first, they look magnificent, but after sitting down, they begin to look a bit cheap. The chairs and couches have an antique look and feel. The small tables are crowded into tiny tea rooms, where you can order a full lunch or dinner, or you can just have coffee and enjoy the view.

I ordered the English tea for a snack/late lunch, and my husband ordered a club sandwich. We both really enjoy the meal, which came on a huge silver tray that was larger than our small marble table! The English tea came with scones, jam, and four small sandwiches. It was a beautiful lunch, and I really enjoyed it. The sandwich had Italian ham on it, and it was not an American club, that’s for sure. We enjoyed everything here, and would definitely go again. It would have been perfect if it was filled with Italians, and if the waiter was a bit friendlier. I think that the waitstaff here is very busy, and there are just so many people coming in and out in this small caffe. These factors have made the service polite and standard at best.

On a related note, if you are planning on visiting only one café on the square, I would recommend trying the Quadri. We had a chance to look inside, and their restaurant has a much better atmosphere. Of course, I can’t speak for the food and service. As for the other café on the square, Caffe Lavena, I don’t recommend it at all. My mother found herself there for dinner, and the waiter tried to gyp her a large amount of money when giving change. If my mom had been the average tired tourist who was new to lire, she would not have noticed his giving her three thousand lire in change instead of thirty thousand. When she pointed it out to him, he immediately gave her the right amount, and it was apparent to her that he knew exactly what he was doing. She said that the food was average and the atmosphere was "New York City" style.

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Caffe Florian Ratings (Scale of 1-10, ten is "divine", one is "despicable")
Average: Food 9.5, Atmosphere 6, Service 5.5
Jason: Food 10, Atmosphere: 6, Service: 5
Mary: Food 9, Atmosphere 6, Service 6